Dear Judy Ludy:

My fiancée and I are planning our wedding together. Our families can’t help us much financially, so we are going to have to pay for most of it. We really want to have the big, fun wedding, so are limiting the number of guests, and are cutting corners wherever and whenever we can.

I sent out the invitations and invited a single friend of mine to attend. He called me back and asked if he could bring a date? He has been dating this guy for only three weeks. What do I say?

Signed,
Bride in Turmoil

Dear Turmoil:
A difficult situation indeed, and not an uncommon one. It seems more often than not, guests feel it’s their “right” to call and ask the bride if they can bring a date. I’m assuming from your letter than you invited him only, and made no mention of allowing him to bring a guest.

Proper etiquette dictates that when an individual receives an invitation to an event, be it verbal or written, it is meant for that specific individual only. Unless it’s specifically stated somewhere “please feel free to bring a guest”, the thought shouldn’t even enter the mind! Typically on a written invitation, such as a wedding invitation, the inside envelope is address to whom specifically is invited, i.e. “Judy Ludy and Guest”. If it’s addressed to “Judy Ludy” only, then you can bet I arrive at the event ALONE and mingle with the other invitees. I don’t bring someone along to make my own party!

Turmoil, call him back and say “although I know you’d like to bring a date, unfortunately our budget is such that we can only entertain a specific number of people, and this time, cannot accommodate your request”. Or just call him up and say, “What the hell’s wrong with you? Are you out of your mind? Absolutely not can you bring a date!”

The Ludy-ism… Do not call and bother the bride with the dumb-ass question, “can I bring a guest”. She has enough stress without you trying to weasel in an uninvited guest.