It’s Tabloid Time again! This week, The Enquirer has Whitney has been diagnosed with a deadly brain tumor; Ted Kennedy’s son is in rehab (no; a Kennedy with a drinking problem?) and Tom’s allegedly paid Katie $33 million for the baby. Us Weekly has Britney feeling trapped and wanting out of her marriage, no surprise there; and Nicole Richie seeking help, as she’s finally decided she’s too thin.

Looks like a lot of nothing, but let’s check it out anyway.

The Enquirer…

Page 6 – has Sir Paul McCartney and his wife Heather in a marriage crisis; she’s taken the baby and moved out. Apparently, she can’t bear living in the shadow of his huge fame and fortune. Yes, life must be terribly unbearable when you can have anything you want just by asking for it.

Page 10 – Patrick Kennedy has entered rehab after a controversial car crash in the national capital. Now, isn’t that convenient. Let’s see…he crashes his car, and suddenly and very publicly, he states he can’t live his life this way anymore, and heads off to rehab. Hmmm…a drunk driving charge and sitting your ass in jail, or a plush rehab center with little or no criminal charges. Which would you choose?

Kennedy…membership has its privileges.

Page 14 – The TomKat baby buyout for a supposed $33 million dollars. The story’s not worth the paper it’s written on.

Page 20 – Last week you’ll recall I reported that Diane Sawyer was all worked up over being involved in an alleged child abuse scandal that she and her crew captured on tape for an upcoming segment on her show. She was, or is, terrified she’s going to be fired. Well, seems the police aren’t letting it go, and the investigation continues, and they are now attempting to determine any (alleged) criminal liability. Now she’s REALLY worried she’s going to be fired. Stayed tuned…

Page 24 – Rumor has it, that with the ink barely dry on her divorce papers, Tori Spelling has eloped to Fiji to marry hunk Dean McDermott…husband No. 2, and I suspect, not the last.

Page 30 – Whitney Houston’s been diagnosed with a brain tumor (allegedly). I will say nothing more about that.

Us Weekly

Page 50 – Britney and Kevin…the never-ending drama. Basically, it’s the same rehash of what’s been going on for months, only this week, it’s the confirmation of child number 2. What in the hell was she thinking…!

It’s late, and I’m tired…that’s all from Hollywood this week!