It’s Tabloid Time! The Enquirer has Angelina in tears as Brad storms off…yeah right. Kirsti Alley’s gained 18 pounds (allegedly) and Candice Bergen looks like she may have a spot of cancer on her neck. The Star is all about baby news…Britney’s headed for a breakdown before her baby is due (if you saw her Matt Lauer interview, she looked like she wasn’t far from it), and Heidi and Seal are pregnant again.

Let’s find out….

Page 6 of the Enquirer has Jen and Vince on the rocks, as apparently she was sporting a fake engagement ring at their London premiere of “The Break Up”; meanwhile the cover of the STAR has Jen beating Brad to the alter (we’ll check that out later). I’m sure we’re getting 2 conflicting stories due to the fake “engagement” ring. Apparently, according to the Enquirer, the couple barely spoke all night at the premiere party, and Vince was livid calling it a cheap trick. I’m sure they’ve kissed and made up by now.

Page 8 – Apparently, Candice Bergen had a biopsy, because doctors feared she had thyroid cancer. I’m happy to report all is well and she DOES NOT have cancer.

Page 16 – Apparently, Kirstie Alley has admitted she’s gained a few pounds, and has turned to Oprah for help. Seems she works better with a weight loss incentive, so she’s asked Oprah if she can appear on her show this November (around Thanksgiving) in a bikini. Oh, brother!!!

Page 26 – The Brad and Angelina story. Sources are reporting that he stormed out due to the couple not being able to spend time alone with each other. She’s devoting all of her time to new baby Shiloh (dah, Brad…the baby can’t take care of herself), their other 2 kids, and Angelina’s ailing mother. He feels there’s no time for him, so frustrated he stormed out.

Excuse me. Did Angelina give birth to 2 babies…?

On to the STAR …

FYI – Vince and Jen have no wedding date set. It’s all speculation of what she WILL do for wedding no. 2, if and when it happens. Check out page 58 for details. He’s not asked her, and she’s not asked him.

Page 50-54 has the whole Matt Lauer/Britney interview, and what the body language experts are saying. Honesty! It doesn’t take an expert to see that it was clearly painful for her to answer Matt’s questions about Kevin and how their relationship is just “awesome”. Where was he? Why wasn’t he sitting next to her, to show the world what a happy couple they are? And what in the hell was up with her makeup and clothes stylist? I suspect she dressed herself and did her own makeup. It looked horrendous!!

Inappropriate clothes for a network interview let alone a buxom pregnant woman; eyelashes that were matted together even before the tears came during the interview; and chewing gum? Not to mention hair extensions that looked like she did them herself. What the hell!!! Didn’t she know Matt was coming?

And she wonders why the press is so obsessed with her nut-like behavior.

The rest, well it just isn’t worth reporting.

It’s a beautiful day and I’m going to the beach for some fun. That’s all from Hollywood this week!