It’s Tabloid Time, and this week the Enquirer is alleging TomKat split over lies about baby Suri; that Star Jones really did have gastric by-pass surgery, and they (the Enquirer) have the date to prove it – dah; and cocaine is the alleged drug of choice that broke up the “Swanks” marriage. Hmmmm…

Page 2 – Interesting…rumor has it that Kirstie Alley has enlisted the help of John Travolta so she can reach her November-bikini-wearing Oprah moment.

Page 5 - says that Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy are going to elope over the Labor Day weekend. They’ve been hiding their romance for months and have only recently gone public. Rather an odd couple and does anyone really care?

Page 10 - has the “Swanks” breakup. Apparently, Mr. Lowe’s (alleged) addiction to cocaine, booze and antidepressants are the “substance abuse problems” that helped wreck his marriage to Mrs. Lowe. And it seems that Chad’s father isn’t so pleased with Hilary going public (this month’s Vanity Fair) about Chad’s “substance” problem, calling it an act of betrayal, and a probably ploy that will be used in the divorce settlement.

Page 20 – okay, I can see when you’re a megastar like Tom Cruise why you’d want to keep your daughter away from the public and press. But come on; it’s been 3 months and neither side of the FAMILY has seen new daughter, Suri. Now that’s kind of weird, even for Mr. Weirdo. Does she really exist? Are they waiting for Katie to really become pregnant? What’s up? Rumors are circulating that their wedding plans are being put on hold indefinitely and the baptismal plans are being put on hold…the whole thing is creepy and weird.

Page 50 – has the supposed truth about Star Jones and her weight loss. Apparently, on August 18, 2003 at Lenox Hill Hospital on New York City’s Upper East Side, she had “keyhole” gastric bypass surgery. It’s called Keyhole surgery because it doesn’t leave large scars. Frankly, I don’t care how Star lost the weight, nor do I think most people do. If she did have the surgery, why not just admit it and move on. Or, is it the only thing that will keep her name in the press, since she’s not on The View anymore…?

Man, it’s hot, and I’m out of patience. That’s all from Hollywood this week….