It’s Tabloid Time again, and this week the Enquirer is full of gossip. Everything from Britney’s violent marriage, complete with a secret video due out soon, to the story that only the Enquirer has the guts to print; yeah right. Rachael Ray’s husband caught cheating (allegedly); Katie Holmes (excuse me, now Mrs. Cruise after their nuptials this weekend) is apparently pregnant with a boy, and somehow, Emmitt Smith stole an actor’s wife.

Let’s get started…

Nice picture, Daniel Baldwin. Not only does he look drugged out of his mind in the picture on Page 2, now he’s in trouble with the law for allegedly stealing a car and drug possession on November 7th. Gee, I guess being the star of a hit show (HOMICIDE) doesn’t pay enough to buy a car of your own.

I find it hard to believe that the girl on page 6 is Kelly Clarkson, who’s supposedly packed on 13 pounds. The 2 girls faces don’t even look alike. I’m not buying it….

Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise tied the knot in Rome this weekend, and no one is confirming that Katie is pregnant with a boy, she’s just hoping she is; however, if she isn’t, then she’s made it a goal to be pregnant by the time they return from their honeymoon. That’s the story here folks…not that she is, but that she could be or will be.

$4 million dollars for a wedding for 250 people. Can you imagine? Reportedly, Tom paid $8,000 for embroidered towels bearing his and Katie’s initials…a keepsake for the wedding guests! Excuse me, but how many of their guests really want someone else’s initialed towels hanging in their bathrooms?

All for a wedding I give less than 5 years. Disposable income; disposable weddings.

So the Rachael Ray cheating husband story goes like this….Allegedly, he’s been having “an affair” for the past 5 years with a woman named, Jeaninne Walz, who he would see, on and off, before he and Rachael were married, and allegedly, 2 or 3 times since their wedding in September 2005. John apparently, loves to have Jeaninne spit in his face, and rub her bare feet in his face, and other things that the Enquirer couldn’t report. Face spitting is worth $20, and other things are priced accordingly. Jeaninne claims they never had sex together, didn’t even kiss, he just likes this kinky stuff, and hires this girl to do it. So what…his wife doesn’t have too?

Oh, brother…if Rachael didn’t know before, she does now because I suspect, like the rest of us, she reads the tabloids in the checkout line.

If I were the management at Chateau Marmont, I’d rejoice too that spoiled brat Lindsay Lohan is leaving after a year of torturning the staff! Apparently, after coming back from a European trip in October, her 4 rooms where downsized to only 1, which infuriated her. She screamed, “fine, I’ll move out” and the management said, fine, go ahead…we’ll be better off if you do!”

Reese Witherspoon has been so distraught since filing for divorce from Ryan Phillippe, that she’s gone home to Tennessee to seek comfort with her family. According to California law, earnings during a marriage are divided 50/50, and so Ryan stands to get half of Reese’s $100 fortune, all because she didn’t make him sign a pre-nup!

That would suck big time!

Screaming, kicking, throwing objects at each other…isn’t that typical white trash behavior? Is anyone really shocked at the alleged details coming out of their marriage? I don’t think I have to spell out who’s marriage I’m speaking of, but do the intials BS and KF help?

And with that, I’ll say goodbye this week!