BREAKING NEWS…PARIS HILTON IS SENTENCED TO 45 DAYS IN A WOMEN’S DETENTION CENTER IN LYNWOOD, CALIFORNIA. Trust me folks, it ain’t no Hilton!

45 days in women’s prison; wow. She has to report in by June 5th, and the Judge isn’t allowing any time off for good behavior, allowing her to pay her way out, or do a work program. She’s in for the duration. I wonder if she’ll be put in with the general population, or be put in solitary confinment for her own protection?

Her mother, Kathy, was beside herself when the verdict was read. She believes the Judge ordered the “harsh” sentence for his own publicity. Please. Paris blatantly ignored the probation she was under, and was caught driving on a suspended license. Of course she deserves to be punished. Anyone else would be.

Her great-grandfather Hilton, who established the Hilton Hotel chain, must be turning in his grave. How proud he must be of her and the entire family….!

Regarding regular doings around town….

This week, the Enquirer has Britney off her meds; Rachael Ray’s marriage over; and Barbara Walter’s telling Rosie she’s sick and needs help.

Let’s see…

Gee, what a surprise. Paula Abdul’s life taking a downward spiral..it doesn’t take a brainiac to see that. She’s now hired a life coach to help her turn it around. Typical Hollywood fodder…

Page 4 has Paris Hilton shopping for a new pooch in Beverly Hills. She better get all the shopping out her system fast…there ain’t no shopping in prison.

No surprise here. Of course Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott don’t actually own the Inn they supposedly purchased with her inheritance. They are renting to own. Did anyone actually think Ms. 90210 could really live in little Fallbrook, CA with no shopping boutiques, no nannies, and little or no take-out? Come on.

Andy Dick a cokehead? Please…who doesn’t know that. Look to Page 10 for the nose full of coke photo of him. What normal person licks the faces of Carrie Fisher and Farrah Fawcett on national television unless they are a little coke-a-cola’d up.

Rachael Ray..it’s a boring story, and we’ve seen and heard it all before. Wife becomes a HUGE success; husband feels neglected and finds another way to pass the time; get’s a girlfriend; wife finds out, and tells husband hit the bricks. Marriage over.

Britney’s a mess. Someone needs to put her back in rehab, lock the door, and toss the key for about 6 months. There’s a photo of her sitting on a rock, topless, with only 2 flowers covering where her nipples should be. Please. Looks like that stint in rehab did a hell of a lot of good!

And that’s all from Hollywood this week kids!